It is always challenging to decide how much transparency to have in a romantic relationship. Some people like to go all-in, sharing text messages and social media passwords with their partner, while others prefer to go a more guarded route.
Deciding what to do in your own relationship is made more difficult by the fact that there is no one "right" solution. Everyone is different and everyone's relationships are different, too. So an ideology that works perfectly for one couple probably won't work for another.
All the same, it can be useful to see what other people think about relationship transparency — particularly when it comes to learning about a partner's romantic and sexual history. To that end, on a recent Reddit thread, someone asked if it is important for people to know about their partner's relationship history— and, if so, why. Scroll through to see what they had to say.
1. Details aren't important for everyone — but it is worrisome if someone refuses to discuss their past.
"I wouldn't necessarily say [it's] important [to share everything], but I would find it weird and off-putting if my partner refused to share anything. Some things are important. Has he been cheated on? Has he cheated? Did all the breaks up end poorly or is he friends with all his exes? Did any of his exes have kids he got close to? Is he a serial monogamist? Was there abuse? Did you end up having certain preferences after dating someone? Has he lived with someone before? Has he been engaged or married? Is this his first relationship after a ton of hookups?
Those types of questions give a ton of context and explanation of who this guy is as a person. Other sillier questions are fun to talk about, too. First kiss stories can be funny (mine was hysterically bad), first dates, first bad breakup, etc. I have a ton of funny stories that involved ex-boyfriends because I spent a lot of time with them. My boyfriend has a bunch of stories of bad dates. It can be a bonding experience.
My boyfriend didn't have a real girlfriend prior to me and I didn't find that concerning in the slightest. I would find it weird if he refused to talk about it. I learned a lot about what I wanted through the failure of my old relationships. We don't have to talk about dick size or how hot our old partners were, we just need to be able to talk about it." - Reddit user tonicCONgin
2. For some people, big-picture stuff is required — but not anything else.
"I don't need to know about every girl he ever dated, but hearing about the bigger relationships is important. For instance, my SO's ex-wife — that's a relationship I need to know a little bit about." - Reddit user super_nice_shark
3. Some feel that talking about your past isn't as important if you feel you've changed as a person.
"I've been with my BF for a total of four months (exclusively, three). Neither of us have said ANYTHING about our exes. I can't speak for him but my reason for why I haven't said anything is because my last ex was three years ago, when I was 21-22 and still in college. That was a long -ss time ago, before my personality developed and frankly, that was my first relationship so I was very much 'new' to the whole GF/BF thing. Plus, if I met the old [me], I wouldn't recognize myself in her...thus, there's no need to tell him of my exes when the old me is most definitely not a reflection of who I am today." - Reddit user TurboTHOT
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